Monday, October 19, 2009
i was just reading this manga between writing my paper and it made me recall my times in japan, interacting with my friends. without fail in our conversations whether between girls or guys, similar topics of who do you like, what do you think about this guy/girl will appear in our conversations. concerns about not being attached or being boring just because you are not attached emerge again and again. there seems to be a common (mis)conception that being attached leads to some sort of end point or adds a "plus one" to your identity. not being attached, not dating means you're losing out in something. in singapore my friends hypothesize that people get attached because everyone else is doing so, and when that happens your friends have other concerns in life. you are left alone, you need to find another person as well. so what is this love? a necessary part in our identity, a necessary solution to loneliness... or even fulfilment or some kind of end point.
maybe it's my character, but having been in love, out of love, i can tell you that being in a relationship with another person doesn't fully satisfy. there will still be something missing. when you're not single you wish you weren't. it's the same story, the grass is always greener on the other side. i was running with jr that day and as he said "well... life's like that, things change people change, we always want something else". pple accept there is no solution to this constant wanting. perhaps as humans, that is part of my nature. even i myself, despite knowing God fulfills all my needs, find myself in want. that is reality. or maybe i'm just not a "good enough christian" ... whatever that is...
Yet, i know, for that moment, that moment when i'm worshipping and when i'm communing with God, everything, EVERYTHING fades away. for that moment, He is everything and He fulfills everything that i need. for that moment, even if i try to, i can't think of anything else. he captures my full attention. and maybe, maybe that is fulfilment. He alone, for that one moment, unlike anything else can fully capture this easily distracted person's attention. Thanksgiving: i think it's amazing how 24/65 pple in my honours class are christians and i think it's amazing how we managed to get about 15 pple a week together to pray for the class and the school on a weekday afternoon, despite everyone's busy schedules. that is truly unity in Christ for you! people from different backgrounds different churches and denominations join together for the one purpose of seeing souls saved. God is really doing something here!
holding on to you.
12:43 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I'm back! I can't believe it's been more than a year since i've written anything. Makes you wonder what's been going on in my life. Well, I've been away in Japan and now I'm back. haha... But i guess i decided to write again because i realized how others have encouraged me through their writings. thus, though i can't say that my writing is of any good quality, i hope that somehow somewhere in the little things that another person can be blessed too. words can be a powerful thing.
i think speaking to another person really helps me to reorganize my thoughts. just putting it in words helps u come slightly closer to what you were thinking at that moment and reflect upon what God has been doing, is doing. though the year in Japan has been a good one, a lonely one and a difficult one as well, i know that in my weakness God was there and i've grown ( not in size I hope :P).
He has time, even for the undeserving.
i guess with everyone arnd me worrying abt the future i've been worrying abt mine too. searching for His will, praying and praying. i guess today He really reminded me that we are made to worship and that is something that will never change. I will always remember that "missions exists because worship does not".
today i had to fill up my work profile for yuichi, part of it asked me to write my life motto. i wrote something to encourage the japanese pple like "not to give up on life" or something (suicide rates are terrible)... but i think if i could write it such that yuichi won't change it... it would be
"to love, to share, to worship"i'm still so far away from it
one day i need to share about my experience bringing 5 old ladies to NUH... they really went by faith to visit someone in the hospital... somehow i thought that was so cool... heh...
holding on to you.
1:04 AM
