Friday, November 25, 2005
The root issue you are dealing with is fear. The physical symptom is control, and when you cannot control, you get angry because of unmet expectations
read this today... it's the central problem isn't it?
sometimes i feel like running away... i wonder how he lives with it.. i wonder how he can go on crushing me and doesn't know a thing... sometimes i really think he's being so selfish... i wish i could just be the one to make the decision... so many pple haf been tellin me to... ian, ferlin, becky...
arghz.. i'm so useless...
holding on to you.
10:34 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
it's over!!! yay yay yay!! *dances round the room* no more As!!! hahahaha... watched bleach the whole day.. hehe i've caught up wid ian-chan!!! haha anywayz been trying to flood my mind wid loads of stuff so i won't think.. just dun think of him.. he can go do anything he wants.. my heart needs to heal...talked to pas becky the last few days!! feels happy.... she inspires me... haha.. yupz...anywayz loads of things to do now... lets see.. grad nite, performance thingy, real, youth camp, possibly visit becky?? hmmz yay!!!now now dun dwell on him... move on!!i sound so fake!!! arghz...
holding on to you.
10:29 PM
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Psalm 13How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.i'm sorry tt it had to end.. i'm sorry i ever doubted u.. i'm sorry i caused u so much pain.. but i guess there's not much use in saying sorry anymore.... there's not much use in remembering either...
Lord please sustain me.. i need u more than ever...
holding on to you.
8:21 PM
Monday, November 07, 2005
read my mail today and got a copy of today's prime time with God...
The Value of Hard PlacesTGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. - 2 Corinthians 4:12Being forced into hard places gives us a whole new perspective on life. Things we once valued no longer hold the same value. Small things become big things, and what we once thought big no longer holds such importance.These hard places allow us to identify with the sufferings of others. It keeps us from having a shallow view of the hardships of others and allows us to truly identify with them. Those who speak of such trials from no experience often judge others who have had such hardship. It is a superficiality of Christian experience that often permeates shallow believers.Those who have walked in hard places immediately have a kinship with others who have walked there also. They do not need to explain; they merely look at one another with mutual respect and admiration for their common experience. They know that death has worked a special thing in them. This death leads to life in others because of the hard places God has taken them through.It is impossible to appreciate any valley experience while you are in it. However, once you have reached the top of the mountain, you are able to appreciate what terrain you have passed through. You marvel at what you were able to walk through. The valley of the shadow of death has yielded more than you ever thought possible. You are able to appreciate the beauty of the experience and lay aside the sorrow and pain it may have produced.a bit of an encouragement...spent part of today wid ian rome and jon.. i can't be more thankful for such wonderful neighbours God has blessed me with.. it's also this time wid them tt i realised how much i've lost whilst pursuing something else... so well...the 2 of us shall try to discover frenship again and i'm praying it'll work out... i guess this is it... i'm sorry i haf to let go even if u aren't... then again mebbe u nvr really loved me at all...
holding on to you.
9:02 PM
Sunday, November 06, 2005
"who seeks and will not take when once 'tis offerred shall never find it more." - Menas (A & C)i wish i cud just get over this... i wish i cud just be cool and say tt.. i wish it didn't hurt.. Lord please sustain me... I really really need u.. it's a bad time cause the As are here...
I never knew the importance of the saints... but now i do.. thank you for your encouragement even though it's in all the little things.. even though u don't know i'm hurting.. thanks esp to jenn and jeanie... it's so strange tt everytime i go thru this season he's always there...
something i read from jenn's blog.. it's a song by ginnie owens
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If you want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise you’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear you answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If you want me to
holding on to you.
11:38 PM
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
i feel at a loss... i dunno if this signals tt we are over... or maybe it's just the beginning of the end.. i'd rather it were the latter though.. at least it reduces the pain.. i wish u would tell me wat i've done rather then leave me to guess.. maybe u just dunno me well enuf to trust me to change... and for some strange reason we both need reassuring... wat in the world haf we done to each other....haiz.. it's realli during this time tt i realised how impt my frens are to me.. ferlin, ian, kevin, grace and my cous.. thanks guys... realli.. esp ian who treated me ice cream yest and tolerated my tears... thanks...
holding on to you.
10:59 AM
