miracles are gonna happen.

Friday, September 23, 2005

yay!!!! over!!! no more exams!!! haha.. wait.. another in november.. but for the moment.. yay!!!!!

things i did today.. hmmz... after the exams i hung round a bit wid my cous...hee disturbed my dear xiao di!! haha... i went home.. went to hao's house... we went to eat lunch.. then he brought me to walk round the reservoir.. nasty creep keep scaring me say got snakes.. hmph... wat a cow..but it was really nice... set by the water he slept a bit while i was taking shots wid my phone cam... then later we walked on the rip rap and tried to look for stones to skip.. did i mention hao is realli gd at skipping stones.. haha.. then after we walked back i went home and played piano.. whee... i love music.. haven't played for so long... after tt i bummed and read and read and read...spent some time wid God...tried to call my xiao di but he dao my phone call.. and now i'm chatting online!!!

wow.. i realli need this brk.. and most importantly the time wid God... whee...

holding on to you. 9:12 PM

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

we've been arguing a lot recently.. a lot of unhappiness.. over random things.. over ian and jordan and the whole lot of gm pple.. u gif in to me over and over again.. haiz.. it's making me feel guilty.. i dunno wat to say..sometimes i noe i purposefully pick fights.. sometimes it's just tt i want more time with u...and u.. i dunno i wish u'd just stop letting things happen and make some decisions.. i dunno wat is happening .. i just hope i dun make the same mistake again.. cause i can tell tt i'm falling deeper and this time the consequences are gonna be worse.. for now the separation realli hurts.. but i think it's gonna get better... pls dun come after me...

it's almost the end of prelims.. i can't wait for it to end.. studying is getting so boring..arghz.. i need to focus.. 1 more paper... i just feel like playing and playing.. then again when the exams are over.. i'll probably be very bored.. haiz.. hao will prob spend his time wid dan which me i'll be left alone again... the attractiveness of lan eludes me... why am i always getting ditched for lan... haiz... the horror the horror! (lol..)

ah well...

holding on to you. 10:20 PM

Monday, September 19, 2005

been listening to the Casting Crowns CD tt shane passed to me the other day.. can't help bout ponder over the lyrics.. quite fantastic actually.. speaks a bit bout how i feel wid regards to some stuff...

Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the heart again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Does Anybody Hear Her

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

my two fav songs so far... shall go get the album soon :)

holding on to you. 5:29 PM

Saturday, September 17, 2005

got pissed with hao over a couple of things yest.. i think i need to apologise to mal for not being attentive when he was talking to me.. cause i was realli seething wid anger last night.. it's just tt sumtimes i can't stand the hypocrisy i can't stand the broken promises.. if u dun like the person stop trying to act nice in front of him and bite him in the back... worse still in order to appease him and put on tt front u hurt ur frens in the process...

anywayz.. enuf about tt.. yest was a great day.. finished most of my papers already!!! had time to read a bit and com a bit.. read Shadow of the Almighty... once again.. i reaped a harvest of wisdom.. and perhaps some answers to my recent struggles..

On waiting.. and on certain desires...it's not tt i don't want to be involved in a relationship.. it's just tt He hasn't given me the green light.. for such are my desires as well.. and so.. faithfully i shall wait trusting in His call.. trusting tt He knows what is best (even in my relationship :) )...

"It may be that He hasn't planned to make us wait years, but it certainly looks like it from here. Of course I hope I'm wrong. But if I'm not, then El Shaddai, the God who saw and heard Hagar, considered Sarah's laugh , and disregard Abraham's 100th year -- This God is the One I believe to be guiding and governing me in these affairs. And in this, in prospect, I with Abraham can laugh."

"And how do I know it is His counsel? 'Yea, my heart instructeth me in the night seasons' Oh. how good - for i have known that ' my heart' is instructing me for God. 'My heart' said 'for Thee', 'Seek ye my face'' No visions or voices but the cousel of a heart which desires God."

"And so I sense that I may share the Christ's words, 'I have set Jehovah always before me, because he is at my right hand, I shall not be move'"

there's a lot more... haha.. but i shall spare the pple who are forever squinting to read the words on my blog.. :)

holding on to you. 1:43 PM

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

exams!!! wat can i say? it's been hectic and stressful.. and yepz.. it's been a long long trial.. learning to trust in Him... i guess i've been struggling with Him for awhile and it got real bad when exams came cause i realised tt i'm so far away tt i've lost my footing... but i haf not lost my way forever... and the earth still bid me tread upon it (haha too much lit) for He is good...

learnt a lot through shane today... indeed i have been keeping too many accounts with God.. fretting much when He the Alimighty has washed everything away in His blood... So.. now i rejoice and i say that the Lord is good.. yepz.. read Psalm 116 today!! so funny cause of all the things i've been thinking about and amazing how it spoke...

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you!!!

Thank you Lord... but i still have a lot to learn especially with trusting Him and really surrendering... no keeping book - total surrender! ... really it's not an easy thing...

another person i wanna thank during this time is Hao... cause he's been there cheering me on with his calls and smss and his semi-german... for being patient... as well as making sure i study and keep focused... so thank you Lord for such a wonderful fren!!!

o i wrote a letter to hao and posted it today!! haha.. his first letter.. hopefully no one beats me to it in a span of a few days :) i feel happy already...

holding on to you. 8:10 PM

Monday, September 05, 2005

today took a trip down memory lane again.. haha ian and i were creeping arnd trying to figure out how many pple were at the field.. and then when kk turned we both had to squat.. ian taught me how to look thru the car windows to spy on them..lol.. then later we found jerome and the three of us bummed on the floor convinced tt wid insufficient pple hao and xiang would join us eventually...

later hao and xiang finally gaf up trying to kick ball wid kk and joined us... after tt we had fun playing virus... haha.. sounds so funny.. a bunch of 17-18 yr olds playing catching... but it was amusing... they started with the houses and then it when on to " i'm calling my mother u cannot catch me" and pple trying to borrow handphones.. and then hao and i were kicking ball trying to convince the catcher tt we weren't playing... lol.. then later we played virus.. it was so funny seeing jon try to catch everyone... hao and i sat somewhere and slacked.. but we got caught by rome in the end... after tt we pretended to be uncaught and provide some sort of safehouse.. but nah.. it was a ploy to get others infected..haha...

anywayz.. had fun today.. noticed something frm my girls and frm the gm pple... pple who hang arnd a lot tend to dress up in the same colour.. like my girls for example.. just this week they appeared all in pink again.. the week before in whites and greys and blacks.. and today the gm pple.. all in dark blue or white..other days it could be reds and whites..coincidence? haha.. maybe

holding on to you. 9:01 PM

Thursday, September 01, 2005

decided to write hao an encouragement b4 his major presentation today.. (yea like how dan always does it for me) .. passed it to him last nite.. was realli funny.. cause it was a realli spooky nite and all and we were both quite unsettled, hao asked me if i cud walk wid him to the fence and i said no prob.. but half way there he started telling me a realli scary ghost story then suddenly i was realli scared of going home... in the end hao had to walk me back again.. lol.. finally he decided to call glenn so he won't feel so bad walking alone so late at nite.. unfortunately glenn hung up on him... too bad.... hee

my mum doesn like hao.. made a huge fuss bout me going out wid him.. had to explain to her tt he's just a fren and everything.. was quite upset.. haiz.. he's realli quite changed u noe.. i wish they'll all just look pass the past... of all the gm guys he realli has to be the most gentlemanly of the lot... btw he can play the piano!! haha.. quite well actualli...

i dun like kk.. i dun like the fact tt he keeps saying untrue stuff abt me.. i dun understand how someone can be so mean.. i haven't done anything (unless it was my foolish self in the long long past) to him.. so i wish he'll just stop it...

holding on to you. 9:13 PM