Saturday, October 30, 2004
haha.. was twirling round the traffic light and jumping up and down just now.. i am so in love with God... the service was great!
three pple came up to me today and prayed for me...all of them had the same message: God loves me! and that i'll never be alone.. if u've read my previous entry.. u'll noe how loneliness has really been bugging me.. but God's just so amazing.. it was such a release at the altar.. just weeping and letting God minister... gosh.. i couldn stop worshipping... and my tongues just flowed and flowed... it was amazing... haha.. talk bout having the joy of the Lord.. woohoo.. i love God.. i really do...
my heart is filled with praise.. hee... to God:
The Happy Song
Chris Tomlin
I could sing unending songs of how you saved my soul
I could dance a thousand miles because of your great love
My heart is bursting Lord
To tell of all you've done
Of how you changed my life and wiped away my past
I want to shout it out
From every rooftop sing
For now I know that God is for me not against me
Everybody's singing now, cause we're so happy
Everybody's dancing now, cause we're so happy
If only I could see your face
See you smiling over us
And unseen angels celebrate
The joy is in this place
holding on to you.
11:21 PM
Friday, October 29, 2004
for the past few months ever since the retreat i've been wanting move on. i knew my call, but i didn noe how to get there. God had made many changes in my life. it wasn't enuf, i wanted to move on. so i searched and i searched. my search... using my own strength.. left me in vain. i grew discouraged distressed even angry at the Lord. I've made my life a mess... doubting God.... and i didn and couldn find the support in church... there was no one at tt level. no one to walk with me.. the loneliness led me into finding support else where. frm pple in sch and dunno where else. and for months.. i've messed up.. almost got involved with someone.. i tried to be someone i wasn't.. yes i love jazz.. but no.. i'm not tt crazy.. i noe tt no matter how i try... i'll never fit into tt crowd. and i felt miserable.. cause i dun fit in sch and neither do i in church. and i've thot of giving up.. fleeing to another church.. i've tried so hard to be accepted by pple in sch... i wasn't able to move on...
tonight was gd.. i'm glad i went for today's svc. Well, the Word spoke to me. my threshold now is my friends. Loving God and serving Him means giving up even on friends. i can't be there for everybody. severing friendships is not easy and neither is fading away. but i've been called to walk this path.. and i knew right frm the start when God told me it was time to walk on water. there i was at the altar today on my knees crying. I needed it...i needed to cross that threshhold and when i met brenda at the bus stop.. i broke down again. and God hasn't stop ministering to me.. He still is.. even right now.. and I love Him... so much... i'll do anything.. anything for Him.. even if it means all this...
no i dun need heros to think they need to rescue me from my folly.. i've never thought more clearly... u're missing out instead. i noe some pple think tt it's just another of his sermons.. so sian.. every yr same thing... but u noe wat... the Spirit of God is there to refresh and renew.. here's a man powerfully used by God... he's there only to help.. the decision is ultimately yours.. by not doing anything and sitting there being cynical.. u're already assuming tt he has the power to do something... but he doesn't.. except with wat God has given... so run to the altar... why are u waiting? the preacher's just there to help.. but u haf to take tt step of faith.
before the service i was with a classmate and she believes in another god... she was saying tt she was astonished by our faith (fellow believers in our class)... so i was telling her abt God and my love for Him and how we needed to experience Him.. and she was telling me abt how she understood God...
at that time i didn noe wat to say.. and i was really praying that God would tell me.. then later God spoke.. He revealed that she's trying to understand god in her own way...by her own strength..there's only so little she can go.. yes she noes something exist.. .. she has a sort of understanding though not complete.. but there's no change in her life..
but my God has the power to change....we can try as hard as we can but we can never understand unless He allows it...
Blessed Be Your Name
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be
'Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name
- Matt Redman
holding on to you.
11:20 PM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
" you write in a very i'm so sick-of-life but have to continue living kind-of-way"
looks like ferlin understands me very well
and horrifyingly... she happened to quote me this evening...
gosh... if anyone ever finds out....
pw is getting on my nerves.. but we had fun camping at ruth's and shane had fun ransacking a fridge for ice-cream... za dumped me and didn gif me a lift lah!!!and thirds of my lit script are wid diff pple!!!
pretty much sums up today
i wanna know my lit marks
i'm pissed with ian!!!!
" you should put exclamation marks " (context: to sound enthusiastic bout life)
- Ferlin
holding on to you.
1:28 AM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
very encouraged that shaun came for cell today... haha.. and he promised to go for svc and revival meeting too... yep.. hope to see him being more open towards God... i noe he doesn come 'cause he doesn noe many pple in the youth min and feels uncomfortable....haiz.. but i dun noe many pple too... and i noe they're not exactly very frenly... lol.. well at least we haf each other..
cell was really a great time of sharing... i realli needed it.. after all tt stress at sch esp...
results are coming out....
haiz.....
holding on to you.
1:06 AM
Friday, October 15, 2004
yay! exams are finally over!
but....
i had a really bad day yesterday... and to all tt i blew up at... frm my mum to my bro.. to jerome and yx... my apologies...
gomen ne...
thank God for ferlin... i wonder wat'll do w/o her.... felt so much better after tt... i think we haven't had such a long talk like yesterday for some time already
lol...i can't believe i'm going to sch today...
holding on to you.
1:54 PM
Friday, October 08, 2004
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. --Albert Einstein
sometimes i think it's a gift tt i would rather not have... it is useful in various situations.. possibly to save ur own ass, help u in playing the mediator, the listener... but it gives u expectations... u hope tt other pple will be able to see ur own needs.. and u forget tt not everyone has the same gift.. so u label them as insensitive and get angry at them when they fail to see something tt perhaps... is truly beyond them. (i'm not trying to sound condescending.. my pt being tt intuition can sometimes be a curse)
i guess tt's wat happened today.. i was angry at ian... and rightly so for him being such a twit (i shall not reveal wat he did)... and for not apologising until very much later tt is (when he realised i was seriously upset) ... and i was angry at john too.. cause they didn see how i was hurting.... and john proceeded to step all over me and push me arnd... i'm sorry.. but it was really insensitive of u... and i got so pissed i started ignoring john...
and thank God for jerome.. jerome who was there to comfort to listen... and to provide me with a branch which i gladly use to inflict pain unto the metal fence with... jerome who so adorably made the statement "dun cry.. only guys cry.. so shameful for girls to cry ".. yea he cried for 1 hr yesterday... silly boy....
haha.. and till now.. jordan remains clueless... lol
i think it took a lot out of ian to apologise.. it was his first apology.. (though not even verbal) ... i appreciate it... yepz.. still.. i prob need to slp over this ...
holding on to you.
11:03 PM
finally 1 week has passed... bout another week left...
been spending more time wid my neighbours...realised how much i missed them... haha.. the comaraderie and all...
went for a walk wid ian yesterday... yepz.. missed ian.... his nonsense and sly tactics... now he's trying to blame me for some other garbage.... lol... tt's just so him
joe and i were discussing bout frens..the pple tt diff pple like to hang out wid... yea.. i guess for me it would be my neighbours...pple may see our relationships as shallow... but we've lasted for yrs..a very diverse grp of pple... hanging out doing watever we want... living for today not thinking bout tmr... haha.. mayb it's tt freedom they seem to have tt attracts me..... such things dun really last.. eventually u'll haf to get down to earth.. but at least u're enjoying urself even if it's just for tt moment...miss my neighbours.... waiting for the end of yr where we all come together to bum arnd...
feel so good today cause i finally managed to get to slp last nite.. God is good!... and thx to brenda and serene for praying...
holding on to you.
4:26 PM
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
this morning the weather was so cool it kinda reminded me of japan...
i think i miss japan...
a lot....
the weather.. the pple.. the food.. kk ... basically everything..
mayb i shud make it a pt to study the lang.... dun understand why i took german in the first place
shud haf taken jap
am soooo in love wid the country
it's been one yr.....
japan japan japan
haha... and yes... nakao-san is still in japan... miss him...nah.. not really :P ....
but he is a great pianist.....
japan...
sighz
holding on to you.
4:03 PM
Sunday, October 03, 2004
been listening to casting crowns the whole of today.. somehow the lyrics just seems to fit wid everything i've been thinking abt these few days...
American Dream
All work no play may have made
Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left
Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family the finer things
Not this time son
I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away
So He works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time
And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
His American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away
'Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things will get better
It'll just take a little more time
He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand
Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
'Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You
All they really wanted was You
i guess sometimes we can keep saying tt these are not the things we go after.. but altimately.. we're still trying to chase tt American dream.. mayb tt's wat been causing all the stress these few days...
Voice of Truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again.
"Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Chorus
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
guess i need to focus on God's voice and stop looking at comfort from other places.. it's time to focus on God and stopped getting deceived.. Stand strong and claim His promises.
and finally.. something to ponder about.. just something i've been feeling recently in church..
If We Are the Body
It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
CHORUS
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road
CHORUS
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ
CHORUS
Jesus is the way
Exams start tmr! ... work hard peeps... Rem God's wid u no matter wat :)
For the anxious....
Phil 4: 6-8
holding on to you.
10:07 PM
