Wednesday, September 29, 2004
bouts of tiredness... need slp... i guess today really did some good... haiz.. but i achieved much less than i set out to cause of the terrible pw crisis i went thru earlier tonight..
been spending more time wid rome and dan recently...reminds me of the old times.. memorable... haiz... jon doesn seem to haf done too well for prelims... ian hasn't been talkin to me... busy busy busy.. i guess we're all stretched out wid work
can't seem to study.. been so distracted.... right now i'm just missing a couple of things... missing the old carefree days wid the guys.. missing japan.. haha.. even kitson.. for some strange reason.. mayb i'll write him one of these days....
dunno why i put up wid all this stress.. shud haf just gone to canada this yr... arghz....
korean soaps are so sad... soo soo sad... i think they do overdo the crying a bit.... too much of a hyperboly... it just minimizes the effect in this case....
pebbles is adorable...
- incoherent ramblings -
and still i wait... staring at the gap between... wondering where our words have gone
holding on to you.
11:53 PM
Monday, September 27, 2004
'cause i'm sitting, waiting for the words that are lost in the midst of chaos.
and all that's left is an air of disappointment hurt and loss.
"When a man turns a blessing from his door, it falls to them as take it in."
- Silas Marner, George Eliot
Such is the cruelty of life...
we're not always given a second chance..
so this is it ...
b4 i let selfishness and discontent overrule...
farewell
holding on to you.
1:31 AM
Friday, September 24, 2004
exhausted.. depressed...
i think i'm stressing myself out for nothing.. working hard.. or at least i think i am.. but nothing's going into my head...my grades are falling dangerously low... feel helpless and pathetic
met jordan today at tp...guess it's the onli place there is arnd here to go.... i miss the times where just the 4 of us used to chill... like today...
added more things to my list ...
things to look forward to after promos :
spending more time with God
choir
fellowshipping
NAC (get to hear ben :D )
working
SATs (sadly)
baking
going out wid yx (yes yes i remembered ur name)
fooling arnd wid the gm pple (after all their As and Os and watever.. includes staying out late..blah)
bum with jordan watching movies
going skating
finally going out for a meal with ian (promised him for ages but our schedules just dun match)
holding on to you.
11:15 PM
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
thx ez for hearing me complain and complain.. love u and miss u so much... been hurting so much lately. thx joel da ge for being so nice n missing me too... :)
today we had a great game.. though i felt tt i did let the team down a bit at the ian...ian jon and dan are sooo cute..had a long chat today aft the game...haha... anywayz.. all the best to u guys for prelims and promos :) love u too.. study hard.. gd for u ian u're ending tmr....and dun come up with anymore 1.15 m mountains :P
stressed abt sch work.. everyone seems to be so far ahead of me... strange thing is i dun feel worried.. mayb not yet... but i'm really afraid of wat mite happen during promos
pray girl.. pray.. leave it to the Lord :)
holding on to you.
9:06 PM
Monday, September 20, 2004
i think one day when i leave this place one of the things i'll really miss will be the times like this playing soccer fooling arnd... walking arnd in the dark, hanging arnd in the evenings making fun of each other.. just sitting arnd in tt comfortable silence. a grp of pple wid such diverse personalities yet brought together by a common love for fun.
jon was so amusing...
as usual we were hanging round the carpark after soccer today... surprisingly jon stayed for a rather long time musing tt his mother wasn't at home... a distance away, we all observed this silver car parked therefor some time... a moment later, jeff came out and curiously peered into the car.. this aroused our interest and later jon went over asking jeff who it was...
lo and behold.. it was his mother....
haha.. so the poor chap ran all the way home.. wat a sad case....
ah well.. prelims.. promos.. As... Os... how saddening
holding on to you.
9:52 PM
Sunday, September 19, 2004
You are a Teddy Bear Hamster!
What Breed of Hamster Are You? brought to you by quizilla
mwhahaha.. amused.. but quite true
feel happy today.. blogging so much
things to look forward to after promos :
spending more time with God
choir
fellowshipping
NAC (get to hear ben :D )
working
SATs (sadly)
baking
going out wid yx (yes yes i remembered ur name)
fooling arnd wid the gm pple (after all their As and Os and watever)
haha.. anyway... shall add more to my list soon
motivation to study
holding on to you.
8:44 PM
feel happy.. dunno why...mayb cause it's sunday and u just spend lots and lots of time wid the Lord and spend time fellowshipping wid him pple today...yupz.. talked to cheryl.. so enlightening.. had fun wid my girls... gonna talk to brenda tonite... happy... yupz and i've actually sorted everything out... i just pray that nothing happens liao... i agree wid him totally tt it's better this way...
bit worried bout how my bro and i are gonna talk to my parents bout him accepting Christ... well.. i've seen God work miracles in this area.. just hafta keep on prayer... our GOD IS GREATER AND BIGGER THAN OUR CIRCUMSTANCES :) ....
must rem to call serene some time... haha.. mayb after i finish writing my horrrible gp draft :(
should quit whining... :)
holding on to you.
6:28 PM
my bro accepted the Lord today! Praise the Lord! ... words seem so inadequate to describe the joy i feel...was almost in tears.... seem to be doing tt a lot recently...
sometimes i wish i knew wat God wants in certain areas of my life.
holding on to you.
1:14 AM
Monday, September 13, 2004
Thank you Brenda for listening to me last nite and for something xiang :P for being so understanding.. really really treasure ur frenship... love u sooo much....
haiz.. i'm gonna fail gp at this rate.. fancy tt... art student fail gp..hahaha..big joke.. my essays are fine but i can't even answer a simple personal response question... gosh i can't even remember wat's it called...
holding on to you.
5:30 PM
Sunday, September 12, 2004
When the Word of God comes, it isn't always kind and gentle. Sometimes it is harsh and sometimes it just touches on areas of your life u haven't seen, or in areas that are so close to ur heart... mayb areas u don't want to give up
Today i was hit hard. My life doesn't belong to me but to God and right now He's not pleased with the way i'm running it. I've been too selfish too self-centred. In terms of my family, i've been running away from the problem. In terms of my ministry, I've been so distracted with my own relationships, time spent otherwise on the phone could have been spent with them. Spent catching up with them, listening to them. And God showed me through all the problems my kids are facing now... through gm's sadness, ACE's problem and now even through Jessie and her messed up relationships... i've just been shelving all of them aside and carried on with pleasing me and here i am today teaching about running the extra mile for God, teaching on the first love for Christ.
Besides this.. i've been too bogged down with studies.. going on and on about S paper.. abt the imptance of having a scholarship... lack of money yadayada.... i forgot that the Lord will provide.. and that instead of being so tied down... all i needed was to do my best and leave the rest to God
i've forgotten that i'm first and for most a worshipper and then a servant of the Lord not a student or anything else.
holding on to you.
9:58 PM
Friday, September 10, 2004
doing math today..so is ferlin.. tried to teach her transformations just now and realised i've forgotten a whole lot.. don't see how it's gonna help me in the future anywayz... feel lethargic lately... think i've overworked my brain :P ..rite.. i think i slack more than i actually hit the bks... how pathetic
was thinking bout next yr for some strange reason... haha.. yar.. jon, josh and i mite be schooling together..quite cool... got pple to go home together wid... and we can meet dan and ian for lunch like we used to.. or rather i... cause i realised i've kinda strayed away frm them.. can't be help really wid all my messed up dismissal times.. i think i haven't been out wid all of them since like mid yr.. which is super pathetic...haha.. then again i've spent a lot of time wid ferlin this yr... haiz... i think i'll be really sad when she goes... i think the fact that she's leaving hasn't really sunk in....shudn get so depressed yet...
dunno wat's up wid ian... he hasn't been talking to me or msging me...
seminar yesterday was sooo cool...hmmz.. really made me take a second look at the book... yepz.. prolly introduce some of it during my Bible study wid the kids... second session tmr.. so exciting... haiz.. but i missed the cats and dogs one though.. ly said it was gd....
still feel weird bout serene.. prolly should do something bout it....
miss my kids... haven't been talking to them much... haiz... even david who used to talk to me just ignores me on msn now cause he assumes i'm to busy too... i feel like a failure... shall call one of them....
holding on to you.
3:12 PM
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Revisiting fears of the past... i know i'm trying not to think too much or worry too much.. but still...
well..today it was great having ian come over.. we had fun.. he is sooo cute..haha
just wanna say that God is truly wonderful. It's not been easy making certain decisions over the past few days.. and giving up wat mattered to me, God has blessed me richly wid something else.
holding on to you.
1:01 AM
Sunday, September 05, 2004
At The Foot Of The Cross
Kathryn Scott
At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love
Through the judgment You received
And You’ve won my heart
Yes You’ve won my heart
Now I can
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death You bore for me
I’m laying every burden down
I’m laying every burden down
it's amazing how it is in God's presence where u could want nothing more, and u are more than satisfied. His grace is amazing, sufficient and forever and u can't help but fall in love with Him over and over again.
and yes Lord, i'm willing to lay everything at Your feet.
today's prayer meeting was great... it was amazing... His presence was there, so strong so evident so amazing
haiz... only when the Lord convicts can we got a clear look into our own hearts. I've been struggling on this issue for some time. Yes it's not easy and it hurts, but for some time i've let my selfishness take over and yep.. at times i've let myself cross the border from treating him as a brother to that which is more than a brother. it's time to stop.. really. i dunno how. but it'll probably hurt. me that is. i still dunno wat is his stand on this issue.
change my heart o Lord.
holding on to you.
3:52 PM
Saturday, September 04, 2004
happy happy happy
didn expect the ccc to be so fun... the kids are really great! haha.. so cute and really bright.. though they did tease me A LOT.. haiz... anywayz.. i really enjoyed taking them arnd.. though it was a tad bit tiring...
besides that..today i also went out wid this really nice and really amusing fren of mine for dinner... and i went to the bkshop and got two books! hee....yupz.. i saw my gp teacher there :) .... uhhuh.. and finally i went home and ate ice cream...
it's a happy happy day...
prayer meeting tmr... and service too.. more time spent wid God... yay!
holding on to you.
10:21 PM
Friday, September 03, 2004
Building 429 - Space In Between Us Lyrics Look at my heart again
Look at the mess I've got it in /I'm trying to trust in You/To know that you'll see me through/Through my pride/Through my shame/Into Your love/Into Your grace/I'm not looking back/Till I see Your face/& I'm running straight to You/Because
All I really want to do is to fall into/The emptiness that is/The space in-between us/To break this division/All I really want to do is to fall into/The emptiness that is/The space in-between us/Erase it and bring us together again
My life's like an open book/Nothing is hidden when you look/You break through my boundaries/Revealing my insecurities/But through my pride/And through my shame/You show me love/You show me grace/I'm not looking back/Till I see your face&/ I'm running straight to you/Because
Here I am saying I need you/I know I need you/Here I am, I'm coming to meet you/Cause I want to see you/
today -- well, it's surprising how he talks so much bout feelings and relationship and he's nvr figured out why it nvr worked out btwn him and God.. it's the same really.. isn't it.. he nvr truly had a relationship with God.. there is no feeling.. no emotional bond.. not tt it always is abt feelings cause our hearts can be deceptives..
At the end of the day, only the Holy Spirit can convict and only by faith can we truly live for God. We are not justified just by reading the Word, following the law(Galations 2).
you know.. i don't think u know this.. but i'm hurt. perhaps u don't mean it, but it's as if i don't matter anymore. u don't bother to talk to me, u don't bother to take out time to spend wid me... all u ever do is gif me stupid excuses. i'm tired. u're not trying. it's time to move on.
holding on to you.
12:39 AM
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
somehow ben reminds me of hx or hx reminds me of ben.. strange
haiz.. hx's sick today.. must take lots of care... apparently there's dengue in the air (.. via mosquitoes) ... hopefully he didn get infected.... silly guy still came out to play.. he looked on the verge of collapse...
had a long talk wid ian... i guess it was a gd thing.... things haven't been too gd ever since the exchange of those weird smss...haiz...
i gotta change my qt location and time again... gotta go sign an agreement wid my mum *squirms*
holding on to you.
9:34 PM
things are getting more and more confusing these days. haha, it really was at the rite time tt ruth passed me the book. thanks girl.. yep, i've really gotta guard my heart and look to God.
Really thankful for the break cause i need it.. need to spend time wid God, need to study a bit, need to catch up wid some of my kids, my sisters, ferlin and my neighbours. haha..seems like a lot to do in one day... o i forgot.. update my blog :)
anywayz, gotta go cont. studying. babysitting jerome later, bringing him out for lunch wid ferlin.. looking forward to it.. seems like i haven't been spending time wid the O lvl pple.. then again they really need to mug... yupz.. haven't talked much to ian either.. yesterday must haf been the longest talk we've had in ages... haha.. which is like 2 weeks ... yea.. jerome was complaining tt i hadn't come out to play either...
haiz.. really need to spend some time praying later.. my qt is kinda in shambles cause i've been so tired lately....
bro put up this template... ben's been complaining tt it's hard to read the words.. sighs.. he seems to not like all the changes i make...
well.. no venture no gain
holding on to you.
10:39 AM
