Tuesday, March 30, 2004
finally went for pipa lessons after so long.. glad to noe i've improved even after all this time tt i've been slacking and not going for lessons.. almost finished learning gan hua hui.. haiz.. got to practise ye ge so i won't malu tmr... i shall make it a pt to seat between joshua and bilin before those to kill each other... or rather bilin kills joshua.. he really has no idea he's pissing her off.. gosh
"do u think her mood swings occur that frequently?"
yea.. as long as u're around they do... c'mon.. are u really tt dense? i haf two words to say to u... "grow up"
in fact, i said this to u b4... u just don't get it do u?
holding on to you.
10:22 PM
Monday, March 29, 2004
we had fun today! yay.. we played ian, dan, john against joehan,jerome, gopalan (dunno how u sp) and me (i think my team has an average height of 1.4 m) anyway.. we won! yay... big time.. wid jerome as top scorer.. can u believe tt! hehe.. and me wid a lot of wonderful assists ( first time i can be ego bout sumthing)
haha after the game ian and i were playing in the car park..ian's such an ass.. he dug out the mud frm his spikes and threw them at me. i stole his socks.
joehan told me something really amusing today.. "modern sewage" is a anagram for the place we live in.. isn't tt great? i can go arnd telling pple i live in "modern sewage"
holding on to you.
10:02 PM
Sunday, March 28, 2004
arghz.. i missed class today... cx went like "faith! why didn't u come for class!?" ... she said it into the mike in the worship hall lah... everybody turned arnd to look at me.. so malu.. aiyo, not my fault i really didn noe i had her class today..lol.. was still happily spending the morning at aparna's place...
my very first girls' nite out...refreshing experience.. half the time i'm hanging out wid guys. yea, i'm a sad case. thank God i managed to find a room mate for retreat.. rooming wid grace.. kinda surprising since i don't really hang out wid the girls at grace
after church i went out wid ez, "dad" and this new gd looking guy called pang or something.. newayz.. the second maluating incident happened when we went to the supermarket.. perverted old man brought the three of us to the san pad section... it was terrible cause after tt pang kept asking me qns bout tt time of the month.. i was soooooooo embarrassed.. he shud just go read his bio tb or something...
holding on to you.
11:07 PM
Friday, March 26, 2004
yay! i'm actually making frens... can't believe this -grinz- ... all thanks to sophie who's been trying so hard to get the 13a and the other humanz pple together.. hmmz.. can't believe pple actually think zhi an and i are quiet...quote zhi an "can't believe we've perfected the art of looking guai".. as a matter of fact, we're actually really nosiy pple.. then again i think only with people we know. sometimes it's just that i'd rather not talk if there was no pt talking. at least tt's better then just suaning pple all the time.. hehez.. i'm trying to be tactful here :D ... you know, sometimes between close frens, there's just no need for words. Just sitting there, these frens can already provide the comfort and security needed.. hmmz.. guess tt's the way it is for me and zhi an..
to kitson, i apologised for waging a cold war wid u today :) i was just really hurt by something u said.. haiz.. anyway.. sorry...
holding on to you.
10:55 PM
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
"hitler" said something really mean today.. and so did elephant...... i feel hurt.. serious..
to the water closet... stop complaining so much abt us not making an effort in keeping the gumi together.. well... excuse me.... we were at ur sch.. and wat did u do? u didn even bother to say hi.. just msged us to say u were busy... and guess wat? we saw u dancing wid ur bf down there...
u noe something? if u can't be bothered... neither can we....
holding on to you.
10:16 PM
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
in deep thought....
Word of God Speak
Mercy Me
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak
I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
holding on to you.
10:18 PM
one of these days i'm gonna catch something from the pesky mosquitoes or get swallowed by watever lives in that bog/marsh/swamp/watever... we really shud do something bout tt water logged area...
it was great talking to ferlin today...yep..kinda miss her..
holding on to you.
10:17 PM
Monday, March 22, 2004
hung arnd will's place today cause of the rain.. kinda boring.. watched him fix his com for bout an hour.. then accompanied ian to wait at his doorsteps cause he didn haf his keys...
yes ian.. tt ass had me all worried thru out the weekend... i thought he was pissed off wid me for a comment i made on sat.. apparently he had his phone confiscated...which explained the few days of silence... bish....
ez's worried i'm not socialising again.. i am... and he can sit back and laugh at my multiple failed attempts.. i can't socialise for nut... i go arnd feeling left out and empty.. bish..no.. i feel like i tok too much crap.. kk.. i dun feel tt way... i dunno wat i feel
i like the silence...haiz ez's just afraid i've built up my auto defence system... just stop toking altogether when attacked...watever... i'm ok... things are fine at the moment..rem... i only go into defence mode when certain things happen?.. anyway we all know there's no use forcing me to tok (not tt there's any need for tt) .. i'll probably just sign....if i can't tok i can't tok... no biggie.. takes a hell a lot of psychoing to tok again.. who cares.. just sent me to a shrink...
i feel like a hypocrite... yes.. the God loving me tells me tt i should love her and treat her well.. the mere human me says i shud just ignore her and kick her ass... can u believe she touched me today? i dun like pple touching me... esp her... i can still rem wat she did to me when i was in sec 2.... i am not going anywhere near her... why must she invite herself whereever i go?.. and yes.. i can't bring myself to say straight in her face i can't stand her guts... neither can i bring myself to accept her lovingly and give her a second chance... there's just been too much hurt
i am pathetic.....
my boss was so nice.. she gave me octavius...haha.. must haf sold a dozen ocataviuses when i was working for her... lol.. octavius is so cute!!!
in case u're wondering.. octavius is an octopus stuff toy then has legs which u can squish to play an octave... as in.. yar.. it produces sound... named it octavius.. after octavius caesar :P
holding on to you.
9:51 PM
Sunday, March 21, 2004
k.. i nearly hugged ez is public... in front of cx somemore...tt's a very bad thing.. need more self-restraint.. but when my world is abt to fall apart..haiz.. i just need someone to hold me...
i wanna go retreat!!!!! haiz.. but the test results will be out soon.. like next week.. so.. it might change a lot of things... still praying... watever happens.. i'll always remember tt God is good..
read the book ' the heavenly man' really challenged my faith... whao... tt guy is incredibly used by God.. but it comes wid a price too and requires a great amt of faith.. am i really willing to suffer tt much for His kingdom and His glory? my world is alreadi crashing down wid wat i'm going thru now... yea.. i'm useless
i got world service! yay... currently living in temporary bliss.. the lyrics is so nice and meaningful...-sighz in content-
holding on to you.
10:24 PM
Saturday, March 20, 2004
a certain someone is coming over to rj... o hell .... ah.. another two yrs of torture... yes.. and u terrible hc pple.. quit gloating... we'll make it thru... haiz... two more yrs of ttrr hanging arnd.... *burst in tears*
i feel stressed out already...
let's just pray and hope she's really a changed person
holding on to you.
12:24 PM
Friday, March 19, 2004
healing spiritually and physically... haiz.. feeling like a bulldozer just ran over my head... slept for 5 hrs straight..rejoicing in the fact i haven't thrown up in the last 6 hrs and probably won't haf to go on a drip... hooray
i hate the meds it makes me feel sleepy.. realise i can't go on like this and tt there's a whole stack of hw to be done.. yes.. i'm only half way thru math and i haven't touched my econs essay...
miserable
holding on to you.
5:17 PM
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Amelia topped sales today.. yepz.. her aunt made a big fuss abt it (much to my dismay).. heard tt bata aunty wants her back in her shop selling stuff.. lol.. every1 wants amelia...
manage to sell some ex stuff.. -sighs in satisfaction- our shop was kinda empty today.. was really boring.. the fair out there did really well though... spent most of the day tagging stuff... hopefully tmr business at the shop will be much better
holding on to you.
10:46 PM
Monday, March 15, 2004
when my boss qns me on my sales i can't help but look down and sigh.. haiz.. well, u dun exactly haf time to promote stuff to customers if u're busy handling the stocks in the shop...i'm not stupid.. i noe amelia's aunt deliberately assigns me the stuff tt no one wants to do...yea.. and she kills two birds wid one stone.. i dun get to promote stuff either... sure.. everyone loves amelia.. i'm the useless one tt does nothing... amelia amelia amelia... starting to dislike the name..i dun haf anything against amelia.. realli, she's a great girl.. why do I haf a feeling i'm going to get fired at this rate... fish.. i need the money..
i'm miserable and bitter... sue me..
holding on to you.
11:15 PM
Sunday, March 14, 2004
to alvin... thx for being there and checking to see how i was... as for ez.. thx for assuring me wid quick hugs even though u're so busy and stuff...
love u both...
holding on to you.
11:55 PM
i erased this entire entry cause i realised i dun really want every1 reading bout wat an ass i am...
tsk.. editing this entry for like the zillionth time..
realise how difficult it is for me to talk to anyone.. i miss ez.. i really do.. but i can't bring myself to tok to him either... he has no time for me..
well.. let this be my prayer:
Fall
I love to worship You, my God
I love to worship You, my Lord
And see Your Spirit fall in power
Your love unfolding
Gifts from heaven
I love to worship You, my God
I love to worship You, my Lord
And feel Your precious
Breath of heaven
Your all consuming love
Holy Spirit come in power
Change my heart
I want to live for You, my God
Let Your Spirit come in power
Change my life
That I may live for You my Lord
Fall on us Lord
So I yearn for You
Long to see You move
Lord, I lift my hands before my King and pray
holding on to you.
11:03 PM
Saturday, March 13, 2004
went arnd church dragging john sloman wid me.. yea.. serene passed it to me today... lol...see.. she has already predicted that i'm going need it.. me the slacker has to start muggin for econs.. dun understand a thing.. lucky gid didn see me wid tt or he'll start commenting bout how mugger i am..
met my yi3 po3 (great aunt aka as christopher aka sis lulu) at service today.. anyway he saw me carrying the economics bk arnd.. yea.. this was his reaction:
yi po : huh? u in jc already ah? i thought u still in secondary school..i always got this impression u still so small
me: er....
yi po: the last time u were still this small girl going arnd calling me yi po... eh.. now j1 liao....17...aiyo.. u all grow so fast...
watever... why does everyone seem to think tt my age is stagnant.. come to think bout it.. even i haven't noticed that i'm actually 17 already... this is terrible..i finally agree wid wat maisie said...hmmz....ah well.. at least i'm not the only one being mistaken for being younger than i really am... today i met david at church.. he was wid this small petite girl.. and me being kaypoh asked if she was his gf.. the exasperated, david turned arnd and told me she was his 20 yr-old-sis... gosh... she looks like a 15-yr- old... za has met her match...
za if u're reading this... hs wanted to get u a "guide to dating for dummies" today... btw, do u even noe tt i kinda "sold" u off do someone in our class.. ah well.. i won the bet.. tt's nine bars of snickers to me... MWAHAHHAHA
k.. on a serious note.. thru the sermon today, as well as cell, God really spoke to me.. and yar.. i'm gonna be even more serious wid my QT... recently i've been kind preoccupied wid blog surfing and chatting.. haven't really been putting as much into my QT.. yepz.. i'm gonna make the committment to be more serious...so.. i'm not going to be blogging as often as b4..
holding on to you.
10:46 PM
i think i'm a really irresponsible person. I haven't had time to call my sec 1s.. i return so late tt they're asleep by the time i call them.. then i leave really early in the morning again, so i've got no time to call them.. in the end grace has to call them for me.. k.. i noe in this case it's not really my fault.. but i feel terrible, it's as if i've no time for them..haiz.. wat kind of cm am i anyway? not to mention my lessons and discussions must be absolutely boring..haiz.. i think i have no giftings for teaching
i'm just this b-o-r-i-n-g and uninteresting person who leads a grp of sec 1s who can't even be bothered to talk to me..
sighz
holding on to you.
12:02 AM
Thursday, March 11, 2004
was talking to weeghee today.. realise how much i doubt spiritual manifestations ..hmmz.. not tt it hasn't happened to me... haha..why is it so hard to believe in such manifestations when i can believe in God?
can't wait for retreat... God has blessed me wid a 120... need just a few more bucks to pay retreat fees.. yupz.. gonna work my ass off for one day.... i need revival and a refreshing touch.. r-age needs revival too... there's no life man, God doesn't just deserve a polite applause..
just realised how screwed i am.. got to prepare for the sec 1 gathering on sun... arghz.. we haven't even finalised our plans. i really hope we dun mess up this sun..
holding on to you.
10:40 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
i find it quite a pity i haf less and less to say to certain pple..haiz.. becoming more and more like the silent moody broody old me.. tt is soooo not good...
ah well.. let's talk abt today... it finally stopped raining! at least long enough for us to haf a game of badminton... can't believe that after only 1 month of not training, there was actually mould growing on my racket.... eeky whitish specks all over the grip.. o gross...
today was eventful. Ian joined us for bad and started a friendly-fire round, smashing jordan and yibin.. haha.. then he started attacking everyone else.. soon it was everyone against ian..yippee.. i got him twice and he didn even get me once.. sorry ian... u suck lah....
then it started raining and we migrated to jordan's house starting a round of house soccer.... poor jerome got hit on the head by a ball.. yepz.. he started crying buckets with the rest of us staring like idiots not sure of wat to do... ah yes.. then the brilliant idea came.. we shud ice his head... rite.. anyway yibin took one piece of ice and started rubbing on jerome's head ( he didn even put it in a plastic bag or something) and jordan kept shoving ice into jerome's hands... well.. jerome not being cooperative at all, kept on crying.. our genius jordan then proceeded to stuff a piece of ice into his mouth.. well jerome's mouth was too small and the piece of ice fell into his clothes.. guess wat? jordan tried stuffing another piece into jerome's mouth again.. in the end jerome spat it out and it landed in joy joy's ( the dog's) mouth...so there.. all was well with all of us collapising in heaps of laughter wid the dog walking around wid cold saliva dripping all over the place.. just fantastic..
holding on to you.
10:45 PM
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
came across this quote which i think basically sums up mr purvis's thoughts and perhaps elliot's on christianity...
"The real security of Christianity is to be found in its benevolent morality, in its exquisite adaptation to the human heart, in the facility with which its scheme accommodates itself to the capacity of every human intellect, in the consolation which it bears to every house of mourning, in the light with which it brightens the great mystery of the grave. "
-- Macaulay.
hmmz..what do u think?
holding on to you.
10:48 PM
sick......moans... still wondering if i shud go to sch tmr.. i'll be bored to death if i stay at home... kaoz.. no idea....
ian came over to "visit" me today... -screams- he took 3/4 of my chocolate slab.. u noe those big big cadberry ones(not tt i can eat any.. wid my fever now) ...still... evil ian.... *imagines ian being stepped on and trampled on by hippo*
mayb i shud just stay home tmr and practise my piano... mr foo is soooo going to kill me again for playing like shit..... i shudn slack so much....
hooray.. just received christine's msg... no sectionals or orc prac tmr..
holding on to you.
9:21 PM
Monday, March 08, 2004
watched the passion of the Christ yesterday.. was reminded of part of this lyrics
I’m forgiven because You were forsaken
I’m accepted, You were condemned
I’m alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again
i can't understand how some pple can actually watch it and laugh... others just think it's impossible to lay down one's life is such a manner.. some even choose to believe that men would not torture another in such a fashion...how ironic.. viewing the goodness of God yet believing in the goodness of men..doesn't tt just say something?
watever it is.. such is the love the God... yea..Rom 5:8
the feeling of first love isn't as it were before.. the movie did stir something deep within.. but haf i been taking His love forgranted?
...send revival...
cause i need it
holding on to you.
10:09 PM
sick.. feel really miserable... if i dun turn up at sch tmr.. either the flu got me or i'm suffering from overdose of orange juice..all thanks to my mum's futile attempt to stuff me wid vit c so as to boost my immune system...
haiz... i really miss the guys.. just realise i haven't seen all of them for abt a week due to the terrific weather.. ian and i were thinking of organising another of those bridge sessions today..unfortunately two of us were the only ones who weren't MIA... dear ferlin was slping.. jonny didn't reply to any msgs (prob slping too)... jordy was at the airport.. and brian... caught a glimpse of his atrocious hair on the way home.. i think he went out (who noes where)...
*hears ian shouting across the balcony*..ah yes.. tt's ian pissed wid me for not passing him any cookies..haha.. yes.. i baked cookies today..
holding on to you.
9:15 PM
Sunday, March 07, 2004
cousin just passed me the passion.. do i hear kitson screaming in the bg... well.. can't wait to watch...
cousin came back frm taiwan today:
mum: do u noe how old she is?
cous: er... twelve?
me faints
mum: she's seventeen
cous: huh?
enters 18-yr-old cousin
cous: eh long time no see.. wah.. jin dua liao! (so big liao)...
mum: she's 18...
cous: huh? one yr diff only...
enters 16-yr-old cousin
cous: wah.. u also very big liao...
mum: he's 16...
cous:.... (bewildered)
anyway.. a lot of pple got insulted today.. me included....
holding on to you.
9:58 PM
Friday, March 05, 2004
to all my many many bros and sis as church who got 4 As todays congrats.. Praise the Lord...u guys did really really well... spoil market though!...
just came back frm church... feels great.... there is fullness of joy in the presence of the Lord
well... tired... still haf a pile of hw waiting for me..haiz....
neways.. finally bought More Than Life today... I feel so blessed.. listening to it now...
holding on to you.
11:18 PM
Thursday, March 04, 2004
I just realised wat an asshole I am... I'm terrible... i might actually lose my parents... guess wat? i don't feel a thing... not a single freakin thing
dun ask me wat made me cry at the altar for their salvation on sun.. dun ask me wat made me want to do sumthing bout our relationship... i'll tell u wat? it's all God.. I am a heartless bitch...
mayb i'm just numb.. mayb there's been too many things happening... mayb i'm on the verge of brkdown but i'm so bloody delusional .. perhaps i'm just so skilled at hiding everything inside
mayb this is my only way to vent my frustrations...
i could always blame it on the way I'm brought up.. n those pple in my class they dun bloody well noe a thing abt family.. they dun... not tt i do... everything's not just black and white...wth do u think u noe abt pple brought up in tt kind of circumstance... mayb i'm stuck in a certain mindset and waddling in my own circumstances and upbringing... then again.. do i care? why am i always supposed to be the pillar for everyone to lean on.. the one tt must be strong in faith, gd leader.. etc etc.. the one tt nvr goes down
for once i'm freaking lost... l-o-s-t ...
if God could grant me one thing.. it would be compassion...
holding on to you.
9:34 PM
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
i really admire how the pple in cell can be so open abt their problems and concerns ...haiz.. i wish i could too.. esp now tt i really need prayer...
my family is screwed...
the only two pple i ever talk to abt personal stuff are cx and ez.. both of whom are uncontactable at the moment..
arghz..
sometimes i wonder.. God, why does this happen to me? One after another... I'm tired.. emotionally.. really.. pls don't give me another blow
just realised.. the best part: all the blows come in twos...
holding on to you.
10:45 PM
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
sometimes it's even more frightening if one just smiles and pretends to be happy when one is really hurting inside..
or maybe.. i'm just numb and nothing really matters any more...
had a lot of fun today playing cards at ian's.. haiz.. i didn even win a single round... thx to john and ian "pakating", the two of them kept winning.. haha..whenever i had gd cards either my partner or i will make stupid mistakes.. ah well, really sad case..
holding on to you.
10:07 PM
Monday, March 01, 2004
I just had kaki stepped on my foot today...haiz
now i have a injured finger courtesy of dehong and a injured foot courtesy of kaki
i tell u those two are out to get me...
this is just great....
holding on to you.
10:06 PM
yay.. my class did really well wid no one getting more than 8... looks like we'll be back together as a class.. i will be so sad if anyone leaves.. though i think daniel might..haiz...daniel u asshole
anyway daniel was really sweet..haha... tried to get me flowers. though, by the time he got there the shop was closed (he prolly fell aslp along the way)...but still.. daniel rocks..
fell sick today.. was running a fever in church... but me being me.. refused to go home even after pas cx made a big fuss.. haiz.. i am terrible...
holding on to you.
12:27 AM
